Thursday, 28 August 2014

because missing is just a part of moving on......

December 15 2013
I was in love. My friends thought I was drunk in love and some said being blind in love was an understatement for someone like me who was paralyzed in love. We had our fights and misunderstandings but we made it somehow and were together for almost two years. a lot of people did not  like the fact that I was with him because they thought I was ruining my life for  a boy who  did not care about me as much I did but I never listened to anyone.
16th December 2013 
I was finally going to meet him. We were meeting after a really long time and I was happy high.  But 16th morning I got a call from him exactly few hours before we were supposed to meet. He said he wanted to break up I was shocked we had break ups before but this time he said he really wanted to end this and wont come back and he left me. For an entire day I did not get off my bed. I could not believe it I knew this was going to happen one day but I always thought it will be mutual because we both belonged to completely different religions and it would have been almost impossible for us to have stayed together 'forever' but I did not know that the break up could be so abrupt. Five lame reasons to break a girl's heart who loved him unconditionally. That wasn't fair. Was it?
After crying for two days my tears had dried and I said to myself ''no more, it has to end''. I started keeping myself extremely busy. I stopped thinking about what had happened to me. I was happy and so were my friends who were happy to see their friend back who wasn't talking about her boyfriend now. He tried to come back and I refused and moved on happily. All this would not have been easy if I hadn't kept myself busy. He tried to come back for the second time and we started talking to each other again but the friendship too was short lived. Life was running at a good pace. I had lost and found myself. I found the girl who wanted to be a designer and started working for it again. I was happy. I went for an international internship for some two months and I hardly thought about him. 
28th august 2014
After coming back I did not have time as I was busy with some assignments but unfortunately from the last three-four days I have been free like totally free I did not know what to do. I have been just sitting on my bed like a couch potato and that's how I just started thinking about something I had not thought about for a really long time and I that was the love that I shared with him. I never stalked him on Instagram before but yesterday I did that and I feel horrible about it. And somehow I just opened an old email account and checked some really sweet messages written by him and shared its screen shot on Instagram. And guess what he saw that. 
it’s not just the missing part that has been killing but what actually is making me write this is because I want to shout out loud and I want to cry because I kept myself busy just to run away from this feeling of missing that someone who meant the world to me a few months back. I want to take out all my frustration and I want to break things but I can’t. I have been trying so hard. Why am I feeling like this again? Do I want him back? No, absolutely no. then I thought does he think about me too? And then I saw a few notes he posted on a social networking site and I felt as if he had written those for me. Did he really love me? He promised it will be a forever thing...then why? Where did we go wrong? What was our fault or was it just mine? I tried my best to keep the fire in the relationship ignited but maybe he had lost interest and the world is a beautiful place full of love and he wasn't blind and I am still not the most good looking person in town.  But we looked really good together...maybe he found someone else? I too found a lot of guys who wanted to be with me and showed a lot of interest and curiosity in my life but none interested me or made me feel the way he did. 
If our souls would have met at a different place maybe we would have been together. Maybe god just wanted us to create some memories to cherish and some to forget.  It could be anything but Sahil and Prerna will never be one and thank God for that. We both I have realized were similar in a lot of ways but those were things that could have never helped us stay together. I will not say that he was wrong or I was right but we were just two completely different yet similar people who did not meet at the right time or maybe weren't destined to be together. On this note I’d like to say thank you to all those who have patiently read all the bullshit that I have written. Yes, I am sure its bullshit for you because you are not  Sahil or Prerna. 
One piece of advice to all those who have broken up or miss that someone special who left. Don’t worry missing is just a part of moving on but make sure it does not ruin you and deal with it.  it’s just a break up life has a lot more troubles waiting for you these mere break ups are just small learning's  that will make you stronger to deal with bigger things in life. Always remember God has something or someone special in store for you just be yourself and enjoy every second of your life. Being single is a great feeling that you will miss. My break up was abrupt and unplanned and so was the entire process in falling in love with him and so is life.

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