Friday, 11 March 2016

Reasons why I am single #Part 1

 It almost baffles me that you're single.' 'Why are you single?Like how on earth is that even possible?'
Like all single girls I get to hear these lines all the time. Dude, I am single and it's possible and I have been living with it and sometimes being single also makes me happy. But anyhow, I recently gave it a thought.  'Why am I single?' And I came up with a few reasons not few but many. So, I thought I'd share them with you . Honestly, I have been getting a lot of flake from some people that my posts are too long and this one in particular made me my eyes roll because the reasons were too many. Therefore, I decided to divide the post into two halves. You'll get to read the second half super soon and  also, it'll help me keep my promise of being regular. Does that make me clever? No, I am just saving your time. So, before I turn a blog post into a history book, I'll move ahead with the reasons . 
1  I HATE BEER. I know most of you might not even read this further but trust me, I don't like beer. In fact, I consume alcohol probably four-five times a *year*. 
2 I am abnormal. Like I really am. I wake up when people sleep. I wake up at 4:00 a.m and it's 3:00 a.m on extremely abnormal days. It's like you're sending me a good night, have a nice day! And I'll be like Good morning, sleep well!
3 Trust me, people have lost interest in me because of reason number two. They think I should have been in the army. In fact, I blocked a guy because he said. 'Oh my God, you wake up so early? You are 'marriage material.' Marriage material at twenty is unacceptable!
4 I am single because I am not 'marriage material'. I can't make tea. Like I cannot. I swear. If you follow me on Instagram you'll know I can't even make green tea. My Maggi is either under cooked or over boiled. I have never made a perfect Maggi all my life. 
5 I did not want to stretch point four more( that rhymed). I am not the kind of girl an aunt would recommend to her sister's neighbour's son. Why?  Because no arrange marriage. Yash Chopra and Karan Johar are to be blamed. I don't have a bae now but I will(hope is everything). So, even if my aunt's neighbour's son is like PERFECT for me it's a NO! 
6 Taking the 'marriage material' point ahead again because I just need more and more reasons to make myself fit in the 'forever alone' gang.  I cannot even hold a glass properly. Like I cannot. Every time I handover a glass of water to my dad he teaches me how I should hold it. I won't mention how because I forgot. Like should we hold it from the bottom or top? Or maybe middle?! Umm.. I am almost twenty one and I cannot hold a glass properly.
7 I am looking for a 'house husband'. I mean if everything goes well then I  wouldn't mind if bae and me  become  the real life 'ki and ka'. 
8 I believe in old school romance. 
9 I have a set of rules. Some people call it the 'old school Indian set of rules'. And you've judged me in your head by now so, yeah!
10 I don't date. Dating is like a pendulum, there is no stability. 
11 No guarantee either
12 Dating guys like girls who like beer and I told you, I hate beer. 
13 I *cannot*  tolerate, baby, babujaanshona, darling, etc.. These words make me cringe.  They're as creepy as lizards. Like totally! Why can't you call me Prerna, that's so normal and sweet. Sometimes you can even call me a 'bitch' like I am kind of used to it. But if you baby, babu or jaan me then boy make sure you call your loved one's one last time because they'll miss you 'forever'. 
14 My mom just applied some weird smelling oil on my hair. She wants my long, curly and gorgeous tresses back! So, this again proves how I am not 'marriage material'. I swear I get weird stares from some aunties because of my short and almost red hair.
15 My hair length shows that I am a rebel. And you know what? I AM! What's on my mind has to be done. Like it has to be done. No matter what it takes. I'll fight with you but I'll get it done. 
16 I haven't met a guy a guy who can intimidate me. Like I need that kind of person. He needs to keep me on my toes because I fly too much and I need someone to calm me down. I need someone to be authoritative but in a good way.
17 But most of the guys I have met told me that they find me intimidating. Like ask my male friends or brothers about it and they'll laugh it off but just other guys in general. Guys you meet at events or through friends of friends. They find me intimidating for some reason and I am friend zoned by them.
18 In fact, I have been brozoned by guys. Can you believe that? I have been. We've stalked girls together. 
19 No I am not a lesbian but I am single. 
20  I send mushy good morning texts to my best friend. And Sonal, if you're reading this,  I LOVE YOU :")
21 Trust me, I am not bisexual either 
22 And I am not judging lesbians or bisexuals. I mean I have to specify this because we live in a society that is extremely virtually active and most of them think they are 'mini Arnab Goswami'. And if by chance Arnab Goswami is reading this then trust me, Sir there are times when India doesn't want to know anything. They just want some peace!
23 I LOVE, LIVE, BREATHE BOLLYWOOD. Instead of getting modernized we all have become so fucking westernized that we have forgotten to respect things that  are 'made in India.'  I mean how can you not like Bollywood? Like why does entertainment have to be realistic? The moment you step out of the theatre you are in a 'real' world. Bollywood is beautiful. It's colorful. And to me Bollwyood means Akshay Kumar. And I can write like separate posts on Bollywood and Akshay Kumar
24 I wouldn't mind having a lesbian encounter with Kareena Kapoor Khan. In my head she is bae. And honestly, I am straight. I said I wouldn't mind having a lesbian encounter but she never said that. You  get it, right?
25 I am very clumsy. Like seriously. The food is everywhere on the table, floor, on my clothes and if something is left then it reaches my mouth. 
26 I know I hate 'baby', 'shona' and etc. but I appreciate it when the my bae is feeding me. I mean it's kinda cute, isn't it? Also, it's a better way to save money. Like if I spill  most of the food then you gotta order more because why will I walk out of a restaurant if my stomach isn't full?
27 I can't drive. I am actually not allowed to drive. I have visual distortion. So, if we're going out on a dinner date then you gotta pick me up from home and drop me back. What? I won't take the metro back home at 11. 
28 Reason number twenty seven also makes me an expensive girl because we will have to have a driver for me. Though I will pay for him but driver's do charge a lot. 
29 I am tall. Almost 5'7 without shoes. And you know  what? I love heels. Tall heels. Six inches tall. And it's so hard to find a tall guy these days. Like where are you tall boys? And he has to have a beard. I mean even Tiger Shroff has some hair on his face now. 
*I judge people so much* But honestly, Tiger, you are  kinda hot and let's not talk about how well you dance! 
30 I am not an engineer. Yes, I just said that!
And this brings us to the end of the first part. Did you relate to any of these? If yes, then comment below and let me know which one's and we'll cry happily over them.



                                      Maybe I am single because I make weird faces!

3 comments:

  1. These two articles were hilarious! And it explains our life as the #ForeverAloneSquad perfectly. ^_^ amazing work, Perry!

    p.s. I think you have forgotten and I am here to remind you, that we did make perfect maggi in Udaipur, that too in an electric kettle. How many people can boast of that han!? Just us! :) So scratch that point out immediately :*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay! I am so glad you liked them. And I am surprised to you remember what happened in Udaipur :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yay! I am so glad you liked them. And I am surprised to you remember what happened in Udaipur :P

    ReplyDelete