Sunday, 6 March 2016

Pose. Click. Filter. Caption. 'SNAP'

Hey Fellas! 
Shocked to see me so often? Well, get used to it because if all goes well then 'the everyday diary' might just become an 'everyday diary'. You get it, right? I have been thinking of doing this for ages but I finally have the confidence to be literally 'regular'. Well, all thanks to so many of you who wrote me mails or messaged me on Instagram. 
So, talking of today's post which is about Snapchat. Here are some of the reasons why I don't understand the application and it's over 100 million daily users.
Reason Number One- I cannot understand the idea of a 'good morning selfie'
I mean why would you click pictures the moment you open your eyes?  It takes me half an hour to deal with the fact that I have to get up and participate in the real world. Also, are morning selfies one reason why so many people are breaking up?
Reason Number Two- What's on my mind should be on my plate and in my mouth and clearly not on my phone for the rest of the world to see.
What do I do  when the waiter says 'enjoy your food' and leaves it on the table? I 'immediately' grab the cutlery and begin eating. But what happens when I am with a 'snapchatter'?
Me: It smells delicious!
*grabs a piece of honey chili potato and  dips it in the dressing*
'Snapchatter': Nooooooooooo!  Dude, I have to click a picture for Snapchat! All thanks to your patience the color of mayo has a tinge of red.
Me: Dude, I am starving!
'Snapchatter': Even I am but I haven't got a nice click for Snapchat since morning. It will just take two minutes. Also, can you please move your hands, they're coming in the picture.
Why do you have to click a picture and make the other ravenous person who is waiting to hog on the Nachos, Potatoes and Ravioli like a caveman. The situation gets worse when you tell your caveman friend that the picture you tried to click for the seventh time was blur and you have to have to snap the picture because it will add a lot more to your 'Snapchat story'.
Like whaaat?
Reason Number three-  The expressionless game!
I sometimes wonder how does the same expression represent- 'wassup', 'bored', 'party mode on', 'movie date', 'fever', and 'haven't been able to potty since two days'. Like how? The only time the expressions change is when your 'snapchatter' crush tells you that you're looking cute today! That's when the Kim K inside you pops up and you give an expression of a 'contoured' face that clearly portrays- 'I am sexy and I know it'
Reason Number four- Click like it's 'literally' your last!
I understand we all belong to the 'selfie obsessed' generation but how do you have the patience to add a filter, write a caption and then SAVE IT! I can totally imagine people in an ICU asking the doctor to click a picture for them with a monochrome filter and a caption that says- 'probably my last snap. Will miss you all!'
Reason Number five- I do not dress up to be a part of your 'snap story'. 
There are times when your friends make you pose for a solo photo because they want to show their  fellow 'snapchatters' that they've got good looking friends. And if not then it's just another reason to build up the so called 'snap story'.
Clicks a selfie adds a filter and then writes the most overused caption- 'met this cutie after ages. Missed her'
Well, that's exactly what happens when I meet a friend in college after ages. Dude, you missed me? Were we that close?
Reason Number Six- Let's party together!
Well, these 'snapchatters' are envied by other 'snapchatters' because their social life is next level crazy. They almost make you feel as if you were there for the party as well!
Reason Number Seven - Well, I don't know how to describe this.
It was way back when I was in McLeodganj for a college trip. Me and my friends decided to dance. Well, I did not know that the news of me dancing to 'my name is lakhan' would spread like fire and my friends back home would know about it.
Delhi Friend: I like the way you dance. And must say great expressions! Between who is the girl next to you? She is hot!
Me: What? Where are you? Why can't I see you?
Delhi Friend: No, someone from your college added a video of you and your friends dancing to some Bollywood song on Snapchat.
Me: Umm. Okay. Bye!
And I have witnessed a few more incidents like these where 'snapchatters' would often upload my pictures on their story and my friends would know where I am. Do you know how scary it is? That person who just saw your 'snapchatter' friend's Snapchat  could be the person you've been ignoring for ages. Or somebody you promised to meet but couldn't because you weren't interested.
Well, I Know you do have options for making your snaps 'private'. I also know ninety nine per cent of the people who will be reading this will give me a lot of flake for ranting about Snapchat. And all those who will be doing so are the same people who ask me to join Snapchat every now and then but I won't. You either love Snapchat or you use it because of 'peer pressure'. I don't fall in any of these categories. Also, people are sometimes so busy replying to their snaps that they forget about the other person who is sitting right opposite to them waiting for  a conversation.
People have been judging me for all these years because I am not a 'snapchatter' and I just expressed why I judge you.
'Hisaab Barabar'
Now go click a picture of this post and send it to other 'snapchatters' and start bitching!




Because of this picture and my Instagram feed you  might call me a hypocrite but trust me,  I  like to start my day without letting the world know I am up, I like to enjoy dancing rather than clicking pictures and of course, I love to eat my food the way it is served-HOT!

2 comments:

  1. Haha. I use Snapchat to click funny pictures/videos of mine with snapchat filters and send it to a few on Whatsapp 🙈😛
    If I start putting morning selfies, most of the people who get to see them will probably die 😂

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